Their once lived a man who was said to be the most evil man in the world. His name was Uncle Vernon that's what is says on his birth certificate and he is not an uncle. This is what he likes to in public.
On saturday mornings uncle vernon goes to the beach, but not to go fishing. He goes to the beach to drown fishes. What he does is get in his old rusty boat and set sail until he's 30 minutes away from the shore. Then he reaches down into the ocean and grabs a fish out of the water and dumps it back in he sits there for 2 minutes before the fish becomes smarter than him and plays dead.
The other thing he does is go down to the ice cream shop but not to buy ice cream he finds a child (preferably aged 3-5.) then hocks a loogy in their ice cream. He loves it even better if they cry, he usually comes home with a black eye because the parents got angry.
He usually wears a white stained tank top with black shorts with a weird orange stain on it and socks with sandals. When he goes fishing he sometimes wears a raggy hat with a big hole in it so there's a big sunburn on his bald head. He has a massive nose which almost sits on his lip. The last time anyone saw him smile was in 1978 and it's 2017. Hes got a big hairy beard which falls down to his belly button, he also has red eyes.
When he's at home he gets his togs on (which are really shorts) then goes into his pool. when he jumps in he pulls out his boxing gloves and starts punching the water smack! smack! smack. after he “swims” for half an hour he heads inside for his dinner. Speaking of dinner he doesn't eat most of it because he likes to watch game shows and when the team he votes for doesn't win he throws his dinner at the tv.
So that's what uncle vernon does every weekend and most weekdays so you better hope he's never your uncle.
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